Why I Hate the Dentist

(MH at her first dentist appointment back in October. Just because this is way cuter than a picture of my fat pregnant ass getting my teeth cleaned. And just do a Google image search for "dentist." Double dog dare you.)

I have a dentist appointment today. Whatever. It's not like I love the dentist, but I don't hate it either. It's just one of those things you have to do, like hair cuts (this will actually say more about my total neutrality about getting my hair cut rather than my love/hate about dentists).

But there is one thing that totally pisses me off about my dentist in particular: they remind you exactly eighty-three times about your appointment.

So last year sometime, during my last appointment, I made my next appointment. I recorded this into my phone, but the receptionist insisted I take an appointment card anyway. I put it in the bag with the mouth swag that is probably still somewhere in my car.

Then, about a month ago, I got a post card in the mail, reminding me of my upcoming appointment.

Two weeks ago, I got a call, reminding me of my upcoming appointment. I actually spoke to a human being and I responded, "Yep. It's on my calendar and I received the post card reminder. I'll be there."

Last week, I got a text from the dentist, reminding me of my upcoming appointment, and asking that I respond "YES" to confirm. I'll admit that it took me a few days to respond because WTF? I was already forced to deal with mail AND speak to a human being on the phone. The whole point of texting is to avoid both of these things, right? So I was kind of mad that texting hadn't been the first and only reminder option.

Then, last Friday, I got ANOTHER CALL from the office, asking me to confirm my appointment. This time, they left a message but the receptionist sounded panicked and insisted that I must call her back to confirm! So I finally texted back my confirmation to the three day old text, because there was no fucking way I was going to dial the phone and talk to another person again.

I am not making any of this up. I know that this has taken exactly five seconds out of my life, but I seriously find this exhausting! I have actually complained before that they remind me too many times of my appointments and they looked shocked, like how is it possible to have too much of something so good? But I just don't get it. Are people just blowing off these appointments left and right? Are grown ass adults--who are responsible enough to schedule bi-annual teeth cleanings--really so disorganized that FOUR reminders aren't enough, so they decided to go ahead and remind patients FIVE times?

All I know is that I am really tempted to skip the appointment today and when they call, to be all confused like, "Really? I had a dentist appointment? Today? Are you sure? I NEVER GOT ANY REMINDER ABOUT THAT!"